New Year, New Us: A Taylor and Cairo Short

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CHAPTER ONE

  “What brings you back here today, Taylor?”

I took a deep breath and looked at Dr. Medley, my therapist, not even wanting to say the words. Not wanting to admit that she’d been right when she told me I had more work to do. It was the moment I dreaded.

“I’m here because my issue has reared its ugly head again,” I admitted, getting it over with.

She didn’t respond, God bless her, but I’m sure she was thinking no shit, Sherlock.

“To be clear, we’re talking about your self-image. Is that correct?”

I nodded.

“Okay, let’s talk about that. Can you pinpoint a particular trigger or did this just come out of the blue?”

“Oh, I know exactly what caused it.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “My fiancé’s ex-wife.”

“I see.”

“She—actually, I’m just gonna go back to the beginning.”

 ***

 One week earlier…

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean exactly what I said. I don’t want her in my house.”

I sighed and put my hand on Cairo’s cheek. “She’s gonna stay at a hotel. She’ll just be here for dinner and then she’s leaving. And I thought you were over the past.”

“I am. That doesn’t mean I wanna break bread with the woman.”

I bent my head to kiss his lips but he didn’t kiss me back.

“I gotta get ready for work,” he said. “This conversation is over.”

“So your son can’t have his own mother over for Christmas?”

He sat up, causing me to roll a few inches to the side. I stared at his bare back and waited, tempted to touch him and get something started. The man’s body was a work of art and the rippling muscles in his lean back were doing something to me.

“My son can do whatever he wants. I just don’t want any parts of it.”

He left the warmth of our bed before I could respond and a few moments later, I heard the shower running. I rolled onto my back with a sigh and contemplated my situation. I was caught between the men I loved. My fiancé, Cairo, who loved and adored me but hated his ex-wife, and Egypt, my soon-to-be stepson who wanted us all to get together for Christmas. Cairo wasn’t buying his son’s newfound desire for a Brady Bunch type of life but I told him that being away for college had probably made him homesick. Of course he wanted to be around family. His entire family.

I sat up and swung my legs around, placing my feet flat on the rug. I took a second to look around the room and smile. I loved this room. I loved this entire house. The house Cairo had built for me before we even officially got together. We’d been here for close to six months and I still found something in this house to be thankful for each and every day.  My gorgeous hardwoods. The detailing in the molding. The custom mirror above the dresser. My two-story walk-in closet.

But I was most thankful for the man himself. Cairo was like something out of a romance novel. Attentive. Affectionate. Attractive. Financially stable. And he chose me. Me. I chose him too, to give myself some credit, but anyone with eyes could see that we were physically mismatched. Despite that, he made me feel like the sexiest woman in the world.

I made my way to the already steam-filled bathroom, the steam cluing me in to the fact that he was taking one of his hot showers. He only did that when he was stressed and needed to think and my heart pricked a little at the realization that I was the one who had stressed him out.

I could fix that.

I pulled my nightie over my head and opened the shower door to find Cairo standing under the stream with his eyes closed, water pouring over the top of his head and down his body.

“Close that, please. You’re letting the steam out.”

I closed the door behind me before moving to stand behind him, wrapping my arms around him and resting my face against his back.

“I love you, Cairo.”

He let out a long sigh and put his hands over mine. “I love you too, baby. And…I’m sorry for having an attitude. I just didn’t expect you to hit me with that first thing in the morning.”

“Yeah, I probably could have chosen a better time.”

“Probably. It’s okay. If that’s what Egypt wants, I’m not gonna say no.”

I smiled and ran my hand over his chest. “I think he needs this. And honestly, if I don’t have a problem with it, you shouldn’t either. The past is the past, babe.”

As I said this, I let my hand drift down the front of him until it rested on top of his dick.

Which was soft.

That never happened. The man had the sexual appetite of teenage boy.

The woman wasn’t in our presence yet and she was already causing problems.

What have I done?

 *** 

Later that evening, I walked back into work, only this time, it was nighttime and I was dressed to the nines. The annual BillCo Christmas party was always an affair and I’d been looking forward to it for weeks. Cairo, who loved BillCo parties even more than I did, had called me on my lunch break to tell me he’d meet me here. Ordinarily I would have been bothered by that but I figured this gave me a chance to get sexy and let him see me make an entrance. And the way I looked tonight—hair blown out, boobs pushed up, makeup on point—he’d have no choice but to lavish me with attention.

Except as soon as I walked through the door of the grand ballroom, I remembered how much of a hoe Cairo used to be. Generally speaking, I managed to forget that fact each day, or at least repress it, but now? It hit me that I could possibly be walking into a lion’s den, only the lions were all the vaginas my fiancé had been in.

There’s one now.

Lanelle from R&D. A pretty brickhouse with a snatched waist and a perfect chin-length bob. It could have been my imagination but I could have sworn she smirked at me when I walked by.

This was a bad idea.

I didn’t even bother trying to find Cairo. Instead, I walked straight over to the bar and ordered a martini. While I waited, I looked around the almost full ballroom and spotted my friend Jennifer. She waved and gave me a thumbs up and I smiled back weakly. I wasn’t ready to socialize just yet. I badly needed a drink first.

“Here you go, beautiful,” the bartender said, probably angling for a tip. Then again, I did look good tonight. I looked good every day. That’s what I’d been working on in therapy before I stopped going. My tendency to think the worst about myself.

I flashed a smile at him and purred, “thank you,” before taking a nice, long sip and that’s when I felt a hand around my waist.

“Damn, Taylor. You’re gonna mess around get snatched up in here.”

I turned to face my fiancé, who was looking delectable in a black suit and no tie, his white shirt unbuttoned to the top of his chest. His eyes raked over me with thinly-veiled lust and my body flushed with heat.

“You look amazing,” he said in my ear. “Come dance with me.”

“But I just got my drink.”

“Bring it with you,” he said, and I didn’t argue. I also didn’t miss the eyes that followed as we made our way to the center of the room. I knew what they were thinking. I can’t lie and say I didn’t care but I figured with any luck, I’d stop caring by the time I reached the bottom of my glass.

As we swayed to the soulful sounds of “My Gift to You” by Alexander O’Neal, Cairo’s hands felt amazing on my waist and I sipped some more to forget that we were surrounded by ghosts of his hoe past. When he nuzzled my neck, I smiled and leaned in closer, closing my eyes and relaxing. Just when my guard was completely down, I heard a female voice say, “Can I cut in?”

I turned my head toward the voice and came face-to-face with a woman I didn’t recognize as having seen before but whom I instantly recognized as having seen my fiancé’s dick. The smirk on her face was unmistakable.

“Hey, Caroline. Thanks for asking but I’m good. I’m with my fiancée right now.”

Caroline at least had the good sense to look embarrassed as she looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry! I had no idea. Congratulations!” before scurrying off to wherever she came from.

“Sorry,” he said as he wrapped his arms back around me but I shrank away from his grasp and backed up a step. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or residual pain from my past but a horrible feeling came over me. A feeling I was intimately acquainted with.

I felt rejected.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, but I only saw his lips moving. The music was too loud for me to hear him. Shaking my head, I turned and walked off, passing yet another smirking woman who’d probably seen my future husband naked.

Why the hell did I think I could deal with this? What possessed me to try and turn a hoe into a husband? I mean yeah, Cairo was a changed man. He treated me like a queen. But barring his complete separation from all things Billingsley-Davis, this would always hang over my head.

“Taylor! Baby, hold up!” Cairo was saying behind me. I was at coat check now, fully prepared to get the hell out of there, when his hand touched my shoulder. I whirled around to face him.

“Please tell me you’re not upset about Caroline asking me for a dance.”

“Is she one of them?”

His face fell. “Yeah.”

“How many of them were in the ballroom?”

He threw up his hands and shook his head. “Baby, I don’t know. I didn’t count them.”

“How many did you count?”

He scratched the back of his neck and sighed. “If you can’t handle being in a room with women I’ve slept with casually, how do you think you’ll feel when my ex-wife is sitting across from you at the dinner table?”

“That’s different.”

“Yeah, it is. In my mind, that’s worse.”

The coat check worker cleared his throat. Cairo took my coat from him and draped it over my shoulders. “Do I need to drop you at home?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “What do you mean, drop me at home? Aren’t you coming?”

“I hadn’t planned to. I came here to have fun, not argue with you. If you’re not up to it, I can drop you at home and come back.”

“Really, Cairo?”

“What do you want me to say, Taylor? I don’t want any of those women in there. I’m with you because you’re the one I want. I need you to trust that.”

“How would you feel if you had to walk into a room full of men I’ve fucked?”

“Calm down, Tay.”

“No. Answer the question.”

“I’d probably be agitated.”

“Exactly. I think I’m being pretty rational right now under the circumstances.”

“Look, we can talk about this tomorrow. Let’s get you home.”

Once I was in the car and had a chance to think, I felt bad. I knew how much he loved the BillCo Christmas parties. And it’s not like he personally invited all his sex buddies. Maybe I was being ridiculous. It was hard to tell in my slightly inebriated state.

We made it back to our place in twenty minutes but my condition hadn’t improved. In fact, it was worse, and I cursed my light-weightedness as I stumbled up the walkway with Cairo’s hand on my lower back, holding me up. He got me to our bedroom and sat me down and I watched him as he took my shoes off, his touch light and careful.

“Let me get this dress off you, Tay.”

“Did you like it?” I asked as I stood on unsteady feet.

“I told you I did.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Because you had your head in the bottom of a martini glass.” He slid my dress down my body and tapped my leg, prompting me to step out of it. Standing only in my bra and panties now, I watched him walk over to the closet to hang up my dress. When he came back, he stood in front of me, reached around, and unhooked my bra. As it dropped into his hands, a wave of nausea turned over in my stomach and I brought my hands to my mouth.

“Shit,” he said. “I know what that means. Come on.”

He guided me to the bathroom where I promptly threw up. Once I was done, Cairo laid me down in our bed and set a glass of ginger ale and some crackers on the nightstand next to me. This wasn’t either of our first rodeo.

“Are you going back to the party?” I asked.

He sighed and looked to the right like he was contemplating the situation. I wanted him to stay but I didn’t want him to stay on my account. I wanted him to stay because he wanted to.

“I can stay if you want me to,” he said softly.

Of course. Of course he would leave it up to me. So now I had to decide whether or not I wanted to be the bad guy.

“I want you to want to,” I finally answered.

“What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t want you to stay if you don’t really wanna be here.”

“I mean…you already know I wanna go so this is a circular conversation, isn’t it? Tell me to stay and I will.”

“I don’t like how you’re putting it on me. No matter what I say, I can’t win.”

“Well, I guess that’s my answer.”

“Cairo…”

“I’m gonna get something to eat,” he said as he walked toward the bedroom door. “Feel better, babe.”

“Just…go to the party, Cairo. It’s what you wanna do. I trust you.”

He stood in the doorway and stared at me. His expression was unreadable but when he said, “Goodnight, Taylor,” as he closed the door behind him, his true feelings came across as clearly as if he’d shouted them right into my ear.

I’m not sure what time I drifted off but when I woke up in the middle of the night, the other side of our bed was empty.

After a fitful sleep, I dragged myself out of bed and padded down the hall toward the stairs. On the way, I glanced in the guest bedroom and that’s where I found Cairo, still knocked out and snoring lightly, as he was wont to do. I left him where he was and went down to the kitchen to start prepping for Christmas dinner. It was my first time cooking a full holiday meal on my own but I didn’t mind. I loved Egypt like he was my own son.

This would be my first time meeting his mother. From what Cairo told me, they married young and she broke his heart when she cheated on him repeatedly, once even with his best friend at the time. When Cairo and I got together, it was only after he’d gone through therapy to deal with the unresolved feelings he had about being treated so badly. For years after they divorced, he was out here hoeing around with anything in a skirt, but now, he was a one-woman man. And I suppose I fancied myself as some kind of Jada Pinkett-Smith, being gracious and welcoming to his ex-wife for the sake of their son. But at this moment, just one day before she was due to be here, I was concerned. What if he took one look at her and realized he still loved her? What if they decided to give it another chance? It was ridiculous, I knew that logically, but in my heart, I was afraid. If last night had taught me anything, it was that Cairo still enjoyed being out there. There was a void somewhere, and I obviously wasn’t filling it.

Shades of my last relationship.

I shook my head to clear that thought as I washed the collard greens. It would be fine. Cairo loved me and everything was going to be okay.

“Morning,” he said behind me.

I turned and watched him enter the kitchen and head straight for the Breville to make his morning coffee.

“You must have had fun last night,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“I woke up around three and you were still out.”

“I never left. I slept in the guest room.”

“You did? Why?”

“You were sick and needed your rest and I know you don’t get that when I snore, so…”

“You really skipped the party?”

“You don’t believe me?”

“No, of course I do. I’m just…touched.”

“You wanted me to stay so I stayed. We’ll give it another try next Christmas.”

Without another word, I crossed the kitchen and planted a kiss on his lips. His arms circled my waist and he held me tight as I pulled back to look at him. “I love you,” I said, and he smiled.

“I love you, too. And…” his face got serious. “I’m sorry my past is so messy. I hate that it ruined our night.”

“I didn’t foresee being so bothered by it. Or them.”

“I understand.”

“Since we’re apologizing, I guess I’ll go ahead and give you mine.”

“For what?” he asked.

“For pushing you into this dinner.”

He dropped his hands and took a step back. “You having second thoughts?”

“Kind of.” I crossed my arms in front of me. “When’s the last time you’ve seen each other?”

“Egypt’s graduation last year. And I still hated her then.”

“And now?”

He sighed. “I honestly don’t know. This’ll be my first time seeing her after doing therapy.”

“I can still cancel.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. It might be good for me. It’ll be a true test of how much progress I’ve made. If any.”

“You’ve made plenty of progress, Cairo.”

He sighed. “We’ll see.”

CHAPTER TWO

 Now…

“Wait, the party happened first, right?” Dr. Medley asked. She seemed very much into the story.

“Yes,” I said.

“So seeing Cairo’s former flings wasn’t what triggered you?”

“Actually, no. I’m surprised myself. I mean, I was definitely irritated but it but he apologized and we got through it.”

“Very good. So then the dinner with his ex-wife was when?”

“Two days after the party.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

 ***

 Two days after the party…

I spent two whole hours getting ready to meet my fiancé’s ex-wife. I plucked, shaved, curled, and painted until I looked to be my version of hot. Call it immature, but I guess I wanted to show her that Cairo had a good woman at home. An attractive woman. And that she had no power here. I’d seen a couple of old pictures of her and she was very pretty but I wasn’t worried about that.

That much.

Rolling my eyes at my freckles, I finished the look with blush and then sprayed on Cairo’s favorite perfume. My white dress hugged my body—especially my new boobs. I’d have bought myself an ass, too, if I wasn’t so afraid. But my man wasn’t complaining about any of it.

I made my way downstairs and as soon as my feet hit the landing, I heard a loud whistle.

“You better put them things away before I get to acting up in here,” Cairo joked.

“Behave,” I told him, internally giddy that I was able to turn his head. No matter how many times he said it, or showed it, I never, ever got tired of hearing or feeling his attraction to me.

It was all I ever wanted.

“You look nice, too,” I said, eyeing his navy blue cashmere sweater and dark wash jeans. “So handsome.”

“Thank you, baby. It’s just jeans and a sweater. Nothing fancy or anything,” he said, and I realized he was defending himself.

“I didn’t think it was fancy. I just thought you looked good, that’s all.”

He nodded and I took a deep breath, once again regretting my stupid plan to bring that woman into our home.

“What time are they supposed to be here?” he asked.

“Any minute now.”

“You need any help in the kitchen?”

“No, but you can help me bring everything into the dining room.”

He nodded and followed me into the kitchen, slapping my butt along the way, and we both donned oven mitts before removing the food from the oven and carrying it into our formal dining room, which I’d decorated in neutrals with gold accents. Cairo had pretty much given me free reign in our home and I’d had a lot of fun figuring out my style—transitional—and then putting my little touches on each room. I wasn’t done yet but I was getting close.

The doorbell rang just as the honeybaked ham came out of the oven. Cairo and I looked at each other and I smiled.

“You ready” I asked.

“If you are.”

He followed me to the front door and stood right at my side as I reached out to open the door. The big smile I’d painted on slid slowly off my face as I got my first look at Raina King, former wife of Cairo.

Pictures did not prepare me.

Her impossibly smooth brown skin seemed to glow under the muted, dusky sunlight. Her jet black hair was perfectly blown out and hung to her shoulders and her makeup was expertly applied. She was taller than me, not model tall but certainly statuesque, and her black leather pants showed off her gorgeous, shapely legs. Thank goodness her white blazer covered her butt, otherwise I would have called it a night. I’m sure it was perfect, just like the rest of her.

“Welcome,” I said, and she smiled, revealing perfect white teeth. Of course.

“Thanks for having me,” she said. “Egypt’s told me so many great things about you.”

“Yeah, you too,” I lied.

“Hey, Tay,” Egypt said, and I suddenly remembered he was standing there. I reached out to hug him and Raina smiled at that. After Egypt and I parted, I stuck my hand out to shake hers and that’s when I noticed her perfectly manicured hands and fingernails.

She had no flaws that I could see.

All that confidence I had when I came downstairs earlier leaked out of me like a deflated balloon.

“Come in, guys. Egypt, Raina, you know Cairo,” I said, trying to be funny. The two of them laughed but Cairo just took his son in his arms. Once they parted, he nodded at Raina.

“Good to see you,” he gritted out.

“You too, Cairo. You look really good.”

“Thanks.”

I was so happy he didn’t return that compliment.

“Okay, let’s go in in the dining room. The food awaits.”

As we walked through the family room, Raina looked around with wide eyes. “You have a beautiful home,” she said.

“Thank you. Did you get a chance to walk through Egypt’s house?”

“I did,” she said as we took our seats. “He wouldn’t let me go too far in because we didn’t have hard hats. I’m surprised it’s still not finished yet.”

“No comment,” I said.

Cairo looked over at me and smiled. “Don’t do that, Tay.”

“What?” Raina asked, looking between us.

Still looking at me, Cairo said, “Let’s go ahead and bless the food first.”

We each reached out to hold hands and I couldn’t help but cast a glance at Raina’s hand as it met Cairo’s. A tiny twinge of jealousy sprouted but I pushed it out as I bowed my head and closed my eyes. Once we finished praying, I started right in on Cairo, anxious to fill the silence and…maybe…perhaps…to prove something. I don’t know.

“There’s a reason Egypt’s house still isn’t done,” I said.

Raina raised her eyebrows.

“Because Egypt decided on all kinds of modifications that Cairo couldn’t say no to.”

“What did you ask for?” she said, looking at Egypt.

He smiled sheepishly. “Just some minor additions.” He glanced at Cairo. “Blue LED lights for my bedroom and the kitchen. A ramp that goes down into the basement so I can slide down. A hot tub in my bathroom. Just little stuff like that.”

Raina shook her head. “And of course your dad didn’t know how to tell you no.”

Cairo looked up from his plate and shrugged. “If I want him to spend time at home, I have to make sure he’s comfortable.”

Raina and I shared a knowing look at that. Cairo’s propensity to spoil his son rotten was common knowledge at this point. It was cute, but I liked to tease him about it sometimes.

“Just don’t let him bleed you dry,” Raina said just before putting a big bite of ham in her mouth. “Oh my God, this ham is delicious. Did you make this, Taylor?”

“She made everything,” Cairo said coolly. “She’s an excellent cook.”

“I see,” Raina said without a hint of malice or jealousy. Even her temperament was perfect. “Well I have to say, I’m glad Egypt has you living right down the street. You seem like a wonderful person.”

“Thank you, Raina,” I said with a smile. Egypt was smiling too.

Cairo’s face was completely blank.

 CHAPTER THREE

 Now…

 Dr. Medley pushed her glasses up on her nose and peered at me through them. “It sounds like things went well at dinner.”

“They did. Dinner was great, honestly. She was warm, funny, deferential to me. She seemed to respect my place in the family. Honestly, I wanted to hate her but I couldn’t.”

“I see.” Dr. Medley checked her watch. “I’m enjoying the story immensely but I have another client in twenty minutes so I’m afraid I need to rush you along a bit.”

“It’s okay. I can be longwinded.”

“Let’s cut to the part that triggered you.”

I looked down at my hands. “As I was sitting here telling you what happened, I just realized that it wasn’t Raina who pushed me over the edge. It was actually…Cairo.”

 ***

 Later that night…

“That went very well,” I said. “Better than I expected. I think Egypt was really happy that we were all able to sit down together as a family. Hand me the white dish, please.”

Cairo picked up the white serving dish and handed it over. He hadn’t said much since Raina left and was only somewhat helping me clean up. Egypt was in the family room on his phone but he at least had cleared the table.

Cairo’s moping was bothering me.

“Are you okay?” I asked him. “Did you not think it went well?”

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “It did. Thank you. I know it wasn’t easy for you but I know you did it because you love my son. I love you for that.”

“Good,” I said, smiling big. “I do love Egypt.”

He watched me wash a few more dishes before he took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

“I, um, need to tell you something. Well, ask you.”

Worried now, I pulled my hands out of the dishwater and turned to Cairo, not noticing the drops of water dripping down my wrists.

“What is it?”

“I need to talk to her. Alone.”

I blinked several times as I processed that.

“For what?”

“To tell her she hurt me.”

“Um, I think she probably knows that already, Cairo.”

“When I was in therapy, Dr. Boyce suggested that I sit Raina down for once and for all and let her know how her actions affected me so that I could free myself of the whole thing.”

“You’ve seriously never had this conversation with her before?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” he trailed off. And then he looked embarrassed. “Because I didn’t want her to know she hurt me.”

I stood there and tried to stay calm. Inside, I was a mess. My stomach roiled, my head pounded, my heart raced…I wondered if I was having a panic attack.

“I don’t understand this,” I managed to say.

“Why do you need to?”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s just…me getting closure has nothing to do with you but I feel like you’re making it about you. It’s not.”

“But…she’s your ex. And she’s perfect. And—”

He frowned at that, and rightfully so. “Perfect? Taylor, come on. The woman cheated on me over and over. You really think—”

“Shhhhh,” I said, angling my head toward the family room.

“He already knows. Now, do you really think a woman who’s willing to destroy her family over dick is perfect? Don’t let the outside fool you, Tay.”

“So then you admit that the outside is perfect.”

He shook his head. “I thought we were past this. I thought you were past this.”

“I thought I was, too,” I said softly.

We stood in our beautiful kitchen in ugly silence, waiting for…something. I wasn’t sure what. I was frozen, my hands still damp, my heart still on the verge of breaking. Neither of us moved until we heard Egypt’s voice behind us.

“I don’t think you should go.”

Cairo turned toward his son. “This doesn’t concern you, Egypt.”

“But—”

“No buts. This is between me and Taylor.”

Egypt looked at me and sighed. “I was thinking we could watch a movie or something.”

Solid effort, but Cairo was unmoved.

“Not right now,” he said.

Dejected, Egypt turned and left the kitchen, leaving me behind to fight alone. I loved him for trying, though.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I said in a last-ditch effort. “I can’t explain it, but…I just don’t.”

“I can explain it. You don’t trust me.”

“Cairo.”

“Admit it. It’s why you freaked out at the Christmas party. You think I’m still the old me. The Happy Hour Hoe.”

He watched my face as I thought about that, and when I didn’t immediately disagree with him, his face fell.

“Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

“No, but…” I trailed off.

“Wow. I can’t win with you. And honestly, trying to convince you that I love you and want you is making me tired as hell. It shouldn’t be this hard.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. But as it relates to this, I’m not gonna let the fact that you don’t trust me keep me from getting what I need. I’ll see you later.”

A stiff kiss on the cheek and a goodbye to Egypt later and he was out the door.

I held it together while I finished up the dishes. While I baked brownies for me and Egypt. Through the first twenty minutes of This Christmas. And then I broke down. Egypt paused the movie and looked over at me with concern on his face, but he waited until I was finished crying to speak. I was grateful for that.

“I wish I hadn’t invited her.”

I wiped my eyes and quickly said, “No, don’t say that. Your mother was perfectly nice. This is bigger than her.”

“I know but I feel like the holiday would have been perfect if…I don’t know.”

“Egypt, please trust me when I say it’s not about her. I was just happy to have us all together because I know how much that meant to you.”

He nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. “You can trust my dad. He’s different with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s happier with you than he’s been for as long as I can remember. That’s part of why I love you so much. Because who he is now…” he trailed off, and a sad look covered his face before he brought his eyes back to mine. “I’m just saying, he was going down the wrong road before. I was worried about him. Now, I’m not.”

“Thanks for saying that. But can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

“If you think I can trust him, why did you tell him he shouldn’t go?”

Egypt sighed and shook his head. “Because…I love my mother, but I know my mother.”

“What does that mean?”

He shrugged and pressed play on the movie. I wanted to press him but I didn’t think it would be appropriate. When I was his age, you didn’t get in grown folks’ business and the grown folks didn’t invite the kids in. Egypt and I had already talked too much tonight so I left it alone.

And then I obsessed over it for the rest of the night.

 ***

 Now…

Dr. Medley nodded. “Well, I see your point. It couldn’t have felt good to be left behind after you expressed your feelings.”

“Exactly!”

She took a sip of her coffee. “What did you think would happen when Cairo met up with her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is that the truth?”

I hesitated to give that some thought. “No. I guess I thought there was maybe a tiny possibility that she would seduce him and he’d end up sleeping with her.”

“And is that what happened?”

“What I know for sure is that he got home a little after eleven o’clock. Egypt had fallen asleep on the couch during the movie but I was in bed, still awake. I guess he thought I was asleep because he went straight to the shower.”

“I see. Is that what he usually does?”

I nodded. “But you can see why it might have been suspicious to me after everything.”

“What I see, Taylor, is that you do trust your fiancé. You said out of your own mouth that he’s never given you any reason not to trust him. I also think you called it correctly when you first started talking. You said the words, ‘my issue has reared its head.’ I like that you identified it as your issue, because that’s exactly what it is. It predated your fiancé, his ex-wife, and even your ex. Drew, right?”

Ugh. Drew. It predated him, sure, but he certainly didn’t help matters. He was critical, petty, emotionally unavailable, and when it came to sex, he made me feel completely unattractive. I had since worked out that he had a porn addiction that made it difficult for him to get aroused, stay aroused, and orgasm. But back then, I didn’t know that. I thought it was me.

And he let me think it.

“Yes. It started in middle school, I guess. The other girls got pretty and grew boobs and butts and I just got more awkward. Nobody asked me to the prom, nobody asked me out at all, really. Not until college. But by then, it was too late. I already hated what I saw in the mirror.”

Dr. Medley nodded. “Is that still the case?”

“Not really. I mean, logically speaking, and objectively speaking, I don’t think I’m ugly. I know I have other qualities that people like—”

“What about the qualities you like?”

“Right. I have other qualities I like, but I guess deep down, there’s a part of me that wonders if I’m…worthy of a man like Cairo.”

“Have you ever wondered if he’s worthy of you?”

“What do you mean?”

“There are two people in your relationship, both of whom have wants, needs, desires. You seem to give a lot of thought to whether you’re fulfilling his needs. Remember, you deserve to have all of yours met as well. You’re a prize, Taylor. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I know, and I believe you within these four walls. Maybe even on the drive home. But as soon as I’m back in the real world, I go right back to my same negative thoughts.”

Dr. Medley smiled. “That’s normal. That’s why you have to keep reinforcing the positive. You have to keep practicing, thinking, and feeling good about yourself. It won’t happen overnight but with time, I’m confident that it will sink in, all the way down into your marrow. You’ll get there.”

I smiled at that.

“So did you talk to him about it?”

“Not yet. I came straight here after breakfast. But just talking about it with you now, I don’t think I need to talk about it. I trust him, I really do.”

I wasn’t sure if that was true, yet, but I would keep reinforcing it until it was.

I still wondered what happened but I didn’t wonder if Cairo was unfaithful.

I told myself that all the way home.

CHAPTER FOUR

 That night…

 “So what’s this about, Cairo?”

She looked exactly the same. It was strange. I hadn’t looked at her much at dinner because I knew Taylor was watching my every move. So I kept my eyes on my own work and avoided eye contact with my ex-wife. Until now.

She looked good.

But there wasn’t enough pretty in the world to make up for betrayal and disloyalty. Her so-called pretty face disgusted me, but as we sat here at the bar at Copelands, I forced myself to look into her eyes because I needed to see into her soul, just one good time before I washed my hands of her for good.

“First off, I appreciate you being so nice to Taylor at dinner. It wasn’t an easy situation for any of us to be in but I think we all understood what it meant to Egypt. So thank you.”

She smiled. “No problem.”

“Alright.” I took a deep breath. “I asked you to meet me because I wanted to talk to you about something. I never had this conversation with you but I should have. Calmly, at least.”

She crossed her arms in front of her like she knew what was coming.

“Raina, when you cheated on me, that shit destroyed me. You were my first and the mother of my child. I know we got married young but you didn’t even try to do right by me. And for a long time, I wondered if something was wrong with me. But over time, I realized that you cheating wasn’t about me, it was about you.”

She raised an eyebrow. “So something’s wrong with me?”

“Maybe. That’s not for me to say. What I’m saying is that I needed to say this to you so I could finally move on. You hurt me, I hated you, but now, I’m past it.”

“So you forgive me?”

I thought about that. Truthfully, I forgave her for the anonymous dudes a long time ago. But Jonathan? My best friend? I wasn’t quite there yet. I hadn’t spoken to his ass since and had no plans to. But Raina and I shared a son. I had to deal with her.

“For the most part,” I said. “Did you already forgive yourself?”

She sighed. “Yeah, I did.”

“Well, good for you.”

“So that’s it? That’s all you had to say?”

“Pretty much.”

She uncrossed her arms and reached out, grabbing my hand in hers. It was soft. And warm. And it made my stomach turn.

“Cairo, I’ll be honest. I fucked up. I really did. And I never really said I was sorry, so…I’m sorry.”

“For?”

She stared at my hand in hers. “For failing to see what I had. For taking you for granted. For getting with your best friend. That was trifling as hell. I honestly don’t even know what I was thinking.”

“Well, it’s nice to know you’re sorry.”

“I am,” she said as she rubbed her thumb across the back of my hand. “We could have been a nice little family. Maybe had two or three more kids. A few more houses in the compound.”

Snatching my hand away, I said, “Too late now.”

“I know.” She peered at me. “Sometimes I miss you. Do you ever miss me?”

“At times, I’ve missed when my family was intact. Used to, anyway. But I have a new family now.”

“Yeah. Taylor. She seems really nice.”

“She is.”

“Doesn’t really seem like your type, though,” she added with a smirk.

“My type is loyal. And she’s definitely that.”

Raina reared back like she’d been punched. “Okay. I deserved that.”

“Yeah. More than that, actually.”

“Do you ever miss other things?”

I knew this was coming.

One thing Raina and I had in spades was chemistry. We were like magnets. Even now, her voice had me shifting in my seat, fighting the stiffness that threatened to turn into a full-blown erection if I didn’t get this shit under control. But it was an involuntary response. It wasn’t something I wanted. My body might not have known that but my mind sure did.

“No, I don’t miss other things. I have everything I need.”

“From Taylor?” she asked, scrunching her face up. “I don’t know, Cairo. She seems kind of…square.”

I raised a hand to get the bartender’s attention and signaled for the check. “Raina,” I said as I reached into my wallet, “Don’t worry about my woman. And don’t worry about me. Your only tie to me at this point is Egypt. You don’t need to pretend like you care about my wellbeing or how my relationship is doing because we both know you don’t. All you need to know is that I’m happy. I’ve never been happier, and Taylor is the reason for that. Now, do you have any other questions or comments before I go home to my fiancée?”

“I guess not.”

“Cool. Take care.”

As I walked away from Raina, I felt lighter. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been carrying around, or the fact that all I needed to move on for good was to be honest and to receive an apology.

I drove slowly, basking in the feeling of freedom. I wanted nothing more than to go home and make love to my woman but I already knew I needed to step lightly. If I showed up turned on and ready to go, she’d assume it was Raina who got me riled up.

So I would just play it by ear. If she came at me wanting to make love, then I’d give her what she wanted.

It turned out to be moot anyway because she was asleep when I got home so I took a shower, put a blanket on Egypt, and then lay next to her and fell asleep, happy and secure in the knowledge that life was good.

 ***

 I guess I spoke too soon on that. Taylor didn’t say a word to me over breakfast the next morning. To make matters worse, she left right after. I knew she was still mad at me but I never expected her to give me the silent treatment. She’d never done that before. The only time she said anything was when I asked her if Egypt already left. She said yes, and that was that.

After she left, I cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floor, reorganized the pantry, and then took another shower. I just knew she’d be home when I got out but she wasn’t, and that’s when I started to worry.

She wouldn’t leave me over this. Right? I mean yeah, me getting closure from Raina wasn’t about her but maybe I could have said that shit in a nicer way. Or maybe I could have brought her with me, just to show her she didn’t have anything to worry about. Hell, maybe I shouldn’t have gone at all. I wouldn’t have if I’d known this would be the result.

By the time hour three without Taylor rolled around, I started getting desperate so I pulled out my phone and texted her.

I miss you. What time will you be home?

She didn’t respond. My stomach started feeling queasy as a vision flashed in my mind. One of me in this house, alone, having lost the woman I loved, the only person in the world besides my son who meant anything to me.

When I heard the garage door go up, I let out a loud sigh in relief. She was home. My baby was home, thank God.

Everything in me wanted to play that shit cool and act like I wasn’t in here about to break down and cry. But to hell with that. I loved her, and when you love somebody that much, there isn’t enough room for pride.

I stood and turned to face the hallway so I could see her walk in. When she saw me, she stopped for a moment before continuing to the hall closet to hang up her coat. I waited until she was in arm’s reach and then I grabbed her, pulled her to me, and held on for dear life.

“Why didn’t you text me back?” I asked desperately. “I was worried.”

“I was driving,” she said, her arms hanging limply at her sides. She couldn’t even bring herself to hug me back. Fuck.

“I’m sorry, Tay.”

“For what?”

“For last night. I hurt you when I left and I’m so, so sorry.”

She sighed and I could feel the fight drain out of her as her body molded to mine and her arms lifted and circled my neck. I clung to her like she was a lifeline and reassured myself that I was okay, that I hadn’t lost her. She put her head on my shoulder and I brought a hand to her head to smooth down her hair. It was out and curly today and I let my fingers feel every strand.

When we finally parted, she looked up at me and stared into my eyes.

“Did you get what you needed last night?”

“I did. And I finally feel free.”

“Then I’m happy for you.”

“Don’t you wanna know what happened?”

“I did. Part of me still does. But I trust you so I don’t need to know. It’s enough to know that you’re home.”

Man.

This was perfection.

“Can I make love to you?”

She smiled. “Since when do you have to ask?”

Without another word, I picked her up and carried her to our bedroom, laying her gently on the bed before stripping her out of her clothes. As I undressed myself, I stared at her body with hunger. I loved everything about her, from her pinky toes, which she thought were too long, to her hair, which she thought was too wild. The only thing better than looking at her was being inside her, and a few moments later, there I was. In heaven.

“Baby, you feel so good,” I groaned as I slowly rocked in and out of her. Slow, because I was in no rush today. I had some things to work out on her, like my fears from this morning, my regret over last night, my appreciation for how amazing she was, and my gratitude for her allowing me the pleasure of her pussy.

She didn’t believe me about this but Taylor’s sex appeal was lethal. I couldn’t get enough of her. The softness of her beautifully freckled skin. How wet she got for me. How sweet her moans sounded in my ear. How she used her walls to make me cum fast because for whatever reason, she loved that shit. I surrendered every time even when I wasn’t ready yet because I knew it pleased her. Most of all, I loved the way her body trembled when she came. I liked to hold her to me and feel the tremors.

And that’s just what I did when her fingernails dug into my back and she made that high-pitched whining sound she makes when the orgasm hits her.

“Yeah,” I said in her ear. “Baby, I love you so much.”

She couldn’t respond and I knew that but I needed her to know. I also needed her to know something else but I waited until she was through so I could make sure she heard me.

“Marry me, Tay.”

“I’m already marrying you.”

“No, I mean soon. I need you to be my wife and I don’t feel like waiting for a wedding. We can still have one later if you want but I need to be your husband.”

She smiled. She was still breathing hard but otherwise, she was calm. Much calmer than I felt at the moment.

“Okay. Let’s do it. New year’s Eve.”

I pecked her lips softly. “Thank you.”

Once I had my answer, I went HAM on her, flipping her over to make love to her from behind, watching intently as she bounced her ass on me, loving me back the way she knew I liked it. I tried to hold out but she was working me too good and before I could stop it, I was cumming deep inside her. It was intense. I think I shed a tear. But shit, I was happy. Happier than I’d ever been in my entire life.

 ***

 A few days later, Taylor stood before me in a white dress. It was made of lace and pearls and in it, she looked like an angel in the flesh. I was speechless when she walked toward me but I pulled it together long enough to take her hand and smile at her. I didn’t hear shit Eric—my boy and an ordained minister—said because I was too busy staring at my bride and reflecting on just how fucking lucky I was that she came into my life. I wondered if she knew what a gift she was to me. We met at a bar, under typical circumstances, but a one-night hookup changed my life. She made me work for it, and I did it gladly because I knew from the jump that she was special.

It was just the four of us here in our living room but that was enough. Egypt laughed at me when I stuttered and wept through my vows but Taylor didn’t. She just wiped my face and cried with me. And when Eric pronounced us husband and wife, I damn near long-jumped over that damn broom.

Afterward, me, my wife—wife!—and my son ate dinner together and then I kicked my son out so I could make love to Mrs. Taylor King. She rode us both to ecstasy before collapsing on top of me in a hot, sweaty heap. I caressed her back and kissed her cheek as she traced circles on my chest.

“I can’t believe you’re my husband.”

“I can’t believe you’re my wife.”

“Taylor King. That sounds so good.”

“Yes, it does.”

We were quiet for a moment. I could feel her heartbeat and it was lulling me to sleep. I’d just drifted off when my wife spoke again.

“I went back to therapy.”

“You did? When?”

“That morning, when I left right after breakfast.”

“The day after I met up with Raina,” I said, unable to hide my disappointment. Not in her, but in myself for making her feel bad enough to have to take such measures.

“Yes, but I needed to go. I still had…have some residual stuff I hadn’t dealt with yet.”

“I’m so sorry I drove you to—”

“Shh,” she said, putting a finger to my lips. “I needed to go. And it helped.”

“Do you remember when you told me I had work to do to heal?”

“Of course.”

“You were right. And now I’m better. Tay, I don’t know if you realize this but everywhere you go, things get better. Everything you touch improves, or gets more comfortable, or more beautiful. Baby, look around you. Every day, everywhere you go, you’re…the light.”

She sighed and buried her face in my neck. She drifted off at some point but I stayed awake as long as I could, needing to hear her breathe, needing to feel her resting on me, needing to make sure I made her as happy and as comfortable as she had made me.

Just before I fell asleep, I heard gunshots in the distance and realized the clock had just struck midnight. It was a brand new year and me and Taylor were a brand new us. We were joined now, legally and spiritually. And for as many years as I had left on this earth, I was going to make her happy.

The End